will the real anime protagonist please stand up

[protagchan]

[ ah, it's sunny out...

you know, as i get older i realize the days just start to blur together. i can't really tell one day from the next 'cause it's all the same to me. i do the same things over and over again that everything i do has lost meaning to it.

i wake up, i eat breakfast, i go to school, come home from school, sit around and play some games while i do my homework, eat dinner somewhere along the way and i go to sleep.

and then it repeats, just like that, every day. and it's been like this for, what, i dunno -- half of my life? and then this is just going to keep on going for... however long i'm alive for. it's really boring, isn't it? living that kind of life.

which is why, right at this moment, i sigh heavily. before me stands perhaps the greatest obstacle of my day: a hill that i must climb in order to reach the school campus.

ugh, anything but this...

it's true, this route could easily be avoided -- if i wake up early enough, i could take the longer way around, or if i had a bicycle i could just bike my way up the hill, or if i had friends who lived in my neighborhood, they could walk up with me and it wouldn't be so boring.

except it's all too much trouble and i'd rather not waste my time. it's going to be more work to figure out an alternative. best not to prolong the inevitable, either -- i'm going to have to climb this hill for the next two years of my life anyway.

it's way too early for this.

i take my first step -- left foot first -- and just as my foot is about to hit the ground, my right foot just about to push off to take the next step, something odd happens. it takes me by surprise and i stumble, losing my balance after not even one single step and i fall to the ground, my ass meeting the pavement that i would have been treading along had things... gone to plan, i guess.

something rustles from the bushes to my right, and within a moment's notice something i've never seen before comes out from it. a dark puddle or blob or something moves to the left, a little, then to the right. it stops, moves forward and then moves back... and looks right at me.

-- panic settles in --

what the hell is going on right now? why is it looking at me? shit --

why is this happening to me? ]

Comments

[quasimediocre]

Was this some trick to cop a feel? [I let her hand go.]

I mean, seriously, I admit I'm not the girliest girl ever but I'm not that manly, right?

[protagchan]

Definitely not -- I'm not even like that!

[ i take my hand back, let it fall to my side. ]

The same goes for me -- like, what the hell? Dude in a skirt? Really?

[quasimediocre]

Hey you don't need to say 'like that' like that - [And then I cut myself off.]

... Wait, you're a girl?

[protagchan]

No shit, Sherlock.

[ with an almost aggravated sounding sigh escaping my lips, i let my arms fall naturally to my side and let my fingers hold onto the hem of my uniform's skirt and lift...

here, my panties. there. that's enough proof, right? ]

[quasimediocre]

...

...

...

...

Are you the sorta girl who sells them for a few hundred yen? [I blink. I blink a lot. Seriously what is with this - well, girl I guess, since I can't see any sorta bulge okay I just put way too much thought into this.]

I mean. You coulda just. Done what I did.

[protagchan]

I'm flat! That wouldn't have done us any good!

[ thanks for rubbing it in, asshole ]

[quasimediocre]

... So are you gonna put your skirt down anytime soon, or? Because this has kinda gone from shonen to ecchi. [Not that I entirely mind, but.]

[protagchan]

... Shut up.

[ i let it go down with a flutter ]

Anyway, so, you're not planning to do anything to me in Akihabara. What's the plan? I don't really trust you or this... group of people you mentioned earlier.

[quasimediocre]

Well, now that I know you're a girl... [Fluttering skirt, and all. I watch it flutter, then look back up to his - her - face. Now that I know she's a girl, she's actually kinda cute. In a boy-in-a-skirt way.]

Seriously though, why're you so suspicious? I risked my life for you back there. That thing could have killed me.

[protagchan]

[ for a second, i think i caught a glimpse that kyoyko's watching my skirt fall back down

... pervert, much? ]

I didn't ask you to help me.

[ ... even so ... ]

Thanks for that, though. I guess.

[quasimediocre]

You might not have asked, but you would have died if I didn't do anything. What was I supposed to do, cheer the blob on as it crushed your bones?

So you're welcome.

[I shrug.]

Anyway, like I said, Akihabara. If you're that worried about us 'having our way with you' or something, there's like. Three guys there, tops. I could call the Major, if you really wanna be promised you'll be safe by an angry German chick.

[protagchan]

No, I... This Major person sounds kinda skeevy too.

[ but... she did save my life and if there's something to check out that might be important, then i don't think i can just walk away now. after all, what if those monsters do come back? ]

Fine, I'll go. But if something happens when we're there, I'm blaming you.

[quasimediocre]

She'd get even angrier if she heard you call her skeevy.

[But she accepted. Good news for me. I nod, and... reach my hand out.]

Mind giving me my jacket back, then? [She didn't drop it during our run, right?] It's kinda important to me.

[protagchan]

... Oh. Sorry.

[ i extend my hand out, hold the jacket out to her ] Here.

Actually, I've been wondering, what kinda jacket is this? It's not something I see often around here.

[quasimediocre]

[I take it back - run my thumb along the nametag before tossing it back around my shoulders.]

American military. Not... really sure on the era? My dad had it, but I don't think I ever saw him wearing it 'on duty' or anything. Probably belonged to my grandpa.

[I give a cheesy little grin.]

I probably don't look half-foreign, huh.

[protagchan]

[ i can hear the sound of a train whistle off in the distance -- looks like it's about to arrive soon ]

You don't. Must be cool, being mixed.

[ on the other hand, there's me, who is completely normal and 100% japanese. at least being half american is something interesting. ]

[quasimediocre]

[I hear the train coming in, so I just... start walking towards the actual station, now that fun pantyshot and boobgrope time is over.]

Eh. [I shrug.] It's... alright. A couple of people are assholes about it, and sometimes I get an accent, but it's worked out fine. If I was blonde, things'd probably be a lot different. [Especially now that my last name's Chono, not Cross.]

Oh, but I can watch American movies without subtitles, so that's cool. [Uh, wait, something just occurred to me.]

I guess it's kinda late for this, but you're really alright with skipping school?

[protagchan]

Yeah, like in the animes, all the foreign characters have foreign hair colors so --

[ shit i totally didn't just. talk about anime in a casual conversation like this. ]

I mean, that's... usually how it goes, right? Not that I watch anime or anything, but that's what I can gather from what my friends tell me.

[ i follow after kyoko towards the station, walking at a pace that keeps me about one or two steps behind her. ]

Ehhh... I'm gonna get my ass kicked for it later, when my 'rents hear about it, but for now, I don't really care. I really didn't want to go up that hill, anyway.

[quasimediocre]

I already made the ecchi/shonen comparison. [I point that out to her, because. Seriously, my otaku alarms are a-ringing.]

They do always have the blonde hair, don't they? And the blue eyes. Even when you aren't dealing with the 'real world', you can tell which characters they wanted to make feel foreign. Char has blonde hair and Amuro has brown, right?

I guess mine is black, but you get the idea.

[I glance back at her and shrug.]

Your life, I suppose. Don't get mad at me when you do get your ass kicked, alright?

[protagchan]

Char and who?

[ name's i'm not familiar with. whatever, maybe she's referencing an anime i've never seen or people she knows or something. ]

I won't, jeez. It's not like it's your fault those... blobs came, anyway.

[ ... ]

... It wasn't your fault, right?

[quasimediocre]

No, it wasn't, but back up. Hold the phone.

[...]

You've never watched the original Gundam? Char Aznable and Amuro Ray? You've never even watched those compilation movies? [...]

You've never even played any of the Super Robot Wars with them? Or any of the Gundam crossover games?

[protagchan]

I've heard of Gundam but I've only seen like. What, an episode of one of the shitton of seasons? I can't even remember which one.

... Mecha's not really my preferred genre...

[quasimediocre]

They're not seasons, they're different - they're different universes! Gundam, Zeta, ZZ, Char's Counterattack, 08th MS team, War in the Pocket, Stardust Memory, F91, then Victory Gundam... that's all Universal Century. Everything else is its own universe - well, there are sequels to AU stories, like Seed and SEED Destiny, but - and Turn-A is the far, far future of UC - but wait, hold on.

[I can't let this girl keep on living so blindly! I have a duty, as a mecha otaku![]

Gundam isn't just mecha! Well, the original isn't, anyway! It's a tragedy! A story of war and love and loss and tragedy and - and morality and and and moving forward and progress and hope!

Char isn't the usual anime bad guy! He isn't evil or malicious! He has always operated on the basis that the ends justify the means, proceeds unwaveringly towards his goal! He's one of the most interesting anime characters ever!

No, Char is anime! And Amuro! Aaand Dozle Zabi! And Big Zam! and and and and this is no Zaku and

What's wrong with you!?

/2

[protagchan]

[ the first thing i hear is, "they're not seasons, they're different - " and then

the train arrives, the whistle loud and clear to make it known that yes, the train has come to the station

when it comes to a complete stop, and the whistle dies down in volume, i blink and look back to kyoko

the last thing i heard was "what's wrong with you?!" ]

[protagchan]

... Sorry, what was that?